Today’s debris was pulled from the wreckage of a serious computer crash

Several Premier League managers are preparing to undertake major reconstructions. Unfortunately the Mill does not mean that in the Crimewatch sense, so we are not about to see grainy CCTV footage of Sir Alex Ferguson brandishing an Uzi at some terrified young service station attendant and swearily ordering him to hand over all the cash and several boxes of Wrigleys. Similarly there will be no shots of Carlo Ancelotti toddling out of Barclays with a blue balaclava and a bulging swag bag and in all probability we will also not be treated to mobile phone camera pictures of Harry Redknapp and Chris Hughton happy-slapping Rafael Benítez.

Instead all Ferguson wants us to see is glossy photos of Karim Benzema and David Silva smiling cheesily as they sign for Manchester United. Oh, and another thing: still smarting from last summer’s shenanigans with Carlos Tevez, Ferguson desperately wants to knock Manchester City’s nose out of joint and intends to do so by pinching Stephen Ireland from right under it. Ah but the days of United pushing City around are over, so Ireland will only go if City want him too – which, inexplicably, may be the case – and if Ferguson can cough up £15m, which may not.

Redknapp reckons he can get £15m by selling Robbie Keane and Jamie O’Hara to Newcastle, possibly because Mike Ashley is a Tottenham fan. Redknapp will raise more millions by sending Alan Hutton to West Brom and Roman Pavlyuchenko to any one of the numerous clubs who see something in the Russian striker that Redknapp still steadfastly refuses to see. One of those clubs is Everton, who, if they don’t bag their man will instead turn their attention to Lille’s Ivorian striker Gervinho. David Moyes also plans to attract Sporting Lisbon’s Veloso and fervently hope the midfielder doesn’t find out that Internazionale want him too.

Redknapp will, of course, re-invest the earnings from those sales. He hopes to make his first signing Joe Cole – though he may prefer to spend a gap year on the Barcelona bench a la Eidur Gudjohnsen. Then Redknapp will go for Wolfsburg’s Eden Dzeko and, working on the principle that two Edens are better than one, will then try to lure Lille’s midfielder Eden Hazard. The young Belgian is also a target for Lyon, who are poised to sign Eduardo from Arsenal.

That deal has not yet gone through because Arsène Wenger is waiting to see where Lyon finish in Ligue 1 – fail to make the top three (or win the Champions League) and they will miss out on next season’s Champions League, meaning they may need to sell – so in will come Wenger with an uncharacteristically astute bid for a keeper, namely Hugo Lloris.

Meanwhile, If Newcastle fail to land Keane they will instead turn their attention to the Swindon striker Charlie Austin. Beyond that Hughton will have to content himself with shopping at the Fratton Park firesale, so in will come Marc Wilson, Nadir Belhadj and Kevin Prince-Boateng.

Wolves are another of the clubs who want Keane and if they don’t get him they will instead take James Beattie off Tony Pulis’s hea … sorry, hands. Then Wolves and Stoke will join Blackburn for a rumble over Cardiff’s Joe Ledley, with the losing duo set to continue their bickering over Hull’s Stephen Hunt.

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